I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS!

I hvA close friend’s mother, who was bedridden for the last two or three years due to a stroke, (and was suffering from multiple health problems) was rushed to the hospital after she had a silent heart attack. When I and a mutual friend went to the hospital to enquire about her welfare, a peep into the ICU was suggestive enough for her fate. Tubes seemed to protrude from different parts of Auntie’s frail body and an oxygen mask nearly covered her pale face. A very active woman in her prime years, she was a fighter by nature, but it was too clear that she was losing her battle for life. To my surprise, I found my friend confident and calm, “Ammi’s doctor says that she will be shifted to a private room in a day or two and go home once she starts taking and retaining oral meals”. Either she didn’t want to share her fears with us or was in a state of denial as the writing was clearly on the wall!

          When I called a couple of days later, for the first time I sensed a note of panic in my friend’s voice, “I am feeling scared!” she said in a worried tone. “The doctor just says let’s wait and see in answer to my queries. Ammi has not been shifted from the ICU yet and seems to be slipping into a coma”. As she kept on sharing her fears and concern for her mother with me, unconsciously my mind slipped into the past and I remembered with pain similar times when the tide of my father’s life was ebbing! I was nearly tempted to say, “I know what you must be feeling! I have been through this situation”, but somehow I bit my tongue before the words slipped out and instead tried my best to console my friend.

          After hanging up I sat in deep thought trying to admonish myself, “This is the moment my friend needs me to share her concern and fears with, and not mine to go back down memories’ lane and tell her about my painful experience. Her grief is the present, what I have experienced is the past. Such remarks had pained and irritated me in my moments of grief and I shouldn’t make this blunder today when a dear friend is going through a similar situation”.

          Auntie passed away peacefully the next day and when my friend’s son called to inform, though I felt sad for her, a sense of relief also engulfed my heart. Thanks goodness that I had held back my words just in time. By lending a sympathetic ear, I had done the best a friend can do in a hopeless situation!

          Often when someone close to us wants to share his woes with us, expecting sympathy or a word of advice, we make the blunder of cutting him short and declaring, “I can understand what you are going through because I have been through this!” or worse still “Someone I know or a friend knows has had a similar experience”. We forget that the person in distress is in dire need of a listening ear, and badly wants to pour out his problems with someone he thinks will be helpful and kind. Or better still, in a totally no-win situation, offer a shoulder to cry on. Hardly can we imagine the feelings of the distressed person, who is cut short with a confident, “I know what you must be feeling. I have been through this!”

More than a decade has passed but the painful memories of the last days of my father’s life is still fresh in my mind. A patient of acute Ulcerative Colitis, he was not keeping good health for the past many years. And finally, he was rushed to the hospital after extensive rectal bleeding. Although Daddy’s doctor tried blood transfusions and the required medications, nothing seemed to work for him and within a week, he slipped into a near comatose state. The doctor was sympathetic but practical, “Take your father home and make him as comfortable as possible, because medically nothing more can be done for him.”

 I can never forget the sense of deep agony and total helplessness of those days. With hearts heavy as lead, I and my siblings watched the tide of life ebbing from our father, day by day, hour by hour!

Relatives, friends and acquaintances came pouring in to enquire about Daddy’s welfare. But it became very frustrating and annoying because most of them had a story to tell. “So and so had similar symptoms in his/her last days!” “I can feel your pain as I have experienced this traumatic situation. My father/mother/spouse/ child/friend died in such and such manner.”

With a heart nearly bursting with pain, I often felt like blurting out rudely, “No! You can NOT understand what I am going through! This dying man is my beloved Daddy, the iron-man of my life who loved me dearly but ruled over me like a tyrant, who made endless efforts, either by bullying or coaxing, to bring out the best in me. How can you understand my agony? This grief is mine and totally different from what you (or someone you know) have experienced in the past! And at the moment, my pain is too deep for me to care about how so and so died! ”

But every time I felt like saying something as blunt, an inner voice told me to keep quiet. These are all well-wishers, only their mode of sympathy may not suit my state of mind! I tried to convince myself again and again.

The pains of those insensitive remarks linger to the day. The painful experience of Daddy’s last days has taught me an important lesson. There is a time to listen and a time to speak. Only by lending a compassionate ear and a shoulder to cry on, we can help a dear one to cope with his pain. I cannot and do not undermine the importance of kind and consoling words, but only when they are uttered at the correct moment! Often while sharing their woes, our friends just need a hand to hold, a sympathetic ear to listen and a caring heart to understand.

ZEEST KI BISAAT (FOR MY READERS WHO CAN NOT READ URDU)

Zeest ki Bisaat

 

 Zeest ki bisaat par khaate rahe yun maat hum

Ke dunya waalon ki tarah jeena humein na aayeiga!

 

Kis ko humari chah hai, kis ko dikhaayein naaz hum

Jo rooth jaayein hum kabhee, kon humein munaayeiga?

 

Kis ko bataoon mein yahaan, is dil pe kitne zakhm hain

Hai kon charagar mera, kon marhum lagaaeiga?

Raah e wafa kaisi ajab, raahi bhee hum raahbar bhee hum

Bhatak gaye jo hum kabhee, saheeh raah kon dikhaayeiga?

 

Marne ke baad jab kaheen, zikr jo chir gaya mera

Mera khayaal dil pe tere eik bojh saa ban jaayeiga!

 

Anakahi see eik baat sunne ko muntazir hoon mein

Guzar gaya jo waqt ye phir laut kar naa aayeiga!

ZEEST KI BISAAT!

Zeest ki Bisaat

Zeest ki bisaat par khaate rahe yun maat hum

Ke dunya waalon ki tarah jeena humein na aayeiga

 

Kis ko humari chah hai, kis ko dikhaayein naaz hum

Jo rooth jaayein hum kabhee, kon humein munaayeiga

 

Kis ko bataoon mein yahaan, is dil pe kitne zakhm hain

Hai kon charagar mera, kon marhum lagaaeiga

 

Raah e wafa kaisi ajab, raahi bhee hum raahbar bhee hum

Bhatak gaye jo hum kabhee saheeh raah kon dikhaayeiga

 

Marne ke baad jo kabhee, zikr chir gaya mera

Mera khayaal dil pet ere eil bojh saa ban jaayeiga

 

Anakahi see eik baat sunne ko muntazir hoon mein

Guzar gaya jo waqt ye phir laut kar naa aayeiga!

DHOKA!

Image

Aaj ghar jo aaye ho ae dost

Chup chup se yoon kyun bethe ho?

Kuch poochna chahte ho jaise

Aankhon mein kyun hai uljhan si

Kuch poochna chahti hon jaise

Kya khojte ho tum yun har su

Aaj aayo dikhaayum mein khud tum ko

Kya mein ne juma kar rakha hai

Ye dil ke mere tukre hain

Wo kirchi kirchi khwaab mre

Kuch umeedein tooti tooti see

Aur ashkon ki eik mala hai

Wo ashaaon ke hain deep bujhe

Aur yaadon ke bikhre moti hain

Kyun aankh hui purnum teri

Chehra kyun hua ghum se bojhal?

Ye mera qeemti sarmaaya

Jeewan ki kumaai ye meri

Tum ko pasand kya aayi nahin?

Hairat se mujhe kyun takte ho!

Kya khaaya hai dhoka tum ne?

Tum dhoondhne aaye thei khushyaan

Kuch khushkun baatein khushkun lamhe?

Kyun dosh tumhein mein doon ae dost

Dhoka tou mera chehra hai

Rehti hai jis pe jhooti hansi

Dard dil mein chupa ke rakhti hoon

Aaj aayo bataaun mein tum ko

Ye roop kyun mein ne dhaara hai

Hai tabyat meri khuddaar bohat

Hamdardi bheek si lagti hai!

Jab jab ye dunya dukh deti hai

Jab jab mein is pe hansti hoon

Mein bant ti phirti hoon khushyaan

Ghum dil mein chupa ke rakhti hoon

Par dard jab hadd se barh jaata hai

Tou chupke se ro leti hoon!

 

 

 

 

دھوکا

dhoka

 

آج گھرجو آئے ہواے دوست

چپ چپ سےیوں کیوں بیٹھے ہو

کچھ پوچھنا چاہتے ہو جیسے

آنکھوں میں کیوں ہے الجھن سی

کچھ ڈحونڈھ رہی ہوں جیسے!

کیا کھوجتے ہو تم یوں ہر سو؟

کیا پوچھنا چاہتے ہو جیسے

آج آئو بتائوں میں خود تم کو

کیا میں نے جمع کر رکھا ہے

یہ دل کے میرے ٹکرے ہیں

وہ کرچی کرچی خواب مرے

کچھ امیدیں ٹوٹی ٹوٹی سی

اور اشکوں کی یہ اک مالا ہے

وہ آشائوں کے ہیں دیپ بجھے

اور یادوں کے بکھرے موتی ہیں

کیوں آنکھ ہوئی پرنم تیری

چہرہ کیوں ہوا غم سے بوجھل

یہ میرا قیمتی سرمایا

جیون کی کمائی یہ میری

تم کو پسند کیا آئی نہیں؟

حیرت سے مجھے کیوں تکتے ہو!

کیا کھایا ہے دھوکا تم نے؟

تم ڈھونڈنے آئے تھے خوشیاں!

خوش کن باتیں، خوش کن لمحے

کیوں دوش تمہیں میں دوں اے دوست

دھوکا تو میرا چہرہ ہے

رہتی ہے جس پہ جھوٹی ہنسی

درد دل میں چھپا کے رکھتی ہوں

آج آئو بتائوں میں تم کو

یہ روپ کیوں میں نے دھارا ہے؟

ہےطبیعت مری خوددار بہت

ہمدردی بھیک سی لگتی ہے

جب جب دنیا دکھ دیتی ہے

جب جب میں اس پہ ہنستی ہوں

میں بانٹتی پھرتی ہوں خوشیاں

غم دل میں چھپا کے رکھتی ہوں

پردردجب حد سے بڑھ جاتا ہے

تو چپکے سے رو لیتی ہوں!

 

 

 

 

 

Relationships: Mending fences

Mummy looked up from her cup of tea and cast a worried look at Umair. He was not his cheerful self for the past few days and seemed to have lost his appetite. Lost in thought, he sat at the breakfast table nibbling at his French toast.

“What’s wrong son, you look so glum and depressed. Tell me if there is anything I can do for you,” mummy asked.

Umair looked up from his plate and burst into tears, “Mummy I had a fight with my best friend and I feel that I was too harsh on him. I don’t know how and when things will again be the same between us. I feel so guilty.”

Umair went on to tell his mother how Ali had borrowed his science journal to complete the work he had missed during his absence due to fever. While returning the journal, Ali apologised to his friend that accidentally he had spilled some ink on it.

As Umair was very particular about his books, he flew into a rage and picked up a quarrel with his friend, accusing him that he must have spoiled the journal on purpose and that Ali was jealous of his good grades.

“We are not on speaking terms for a week, but I want to be friends with Ali again. I realise that I was unfair and I don’t want to lose a true pal,” confessed Umair.

None of us can claim that we have never had any differences with people who hold an important place in our lives. We have quarrels with siblings, friends and classmates; sometimes on minor issues and sometimes on major ones. But it is not possible for most of us to stay away for a long time from the people we love dearly. Even if we stop talking to them and do not communicate in any other routine manner, i.e., text messaging or interacting on social forums like Facebook, Skype, we cannot keep them out of our thoughts. And a yearning to mend the fences keeps us restless and unhappy.

Some of us maybe too stubborn, making the difference a matter of our ego and waiting for the other party to make an advance to normalise the relationship. But more often than not, most of us are too soft-hearted to prolong a fight. We know that making up quickly after a quarrel brings in peace of mind and a sense of serenity as we realise that a relationship is too strong to be adversely affected by a petty difference.

How do you mend fences with a near and dear one after you have had a bitter argument, called each other names in a fit of anger or, worst still, brought up past and long settled issues? Instead of sulking, spending restless nights and worrying your parents by refusing to eat properly, try out the positive ways to make up with your near and dear ones. Although it may take a lot of courage, the best option is to admit that you were wrong. The easiest (and for some the most difficult) way is to go ahead and say ‘I am sorry’. These are the magic words which often and easily settle petty quarrels in a moment and you retrieve your cherished relationship.

There may be some of you who find it hard to apologise but still you want to show your regrets. There are many simple and warm gestures which can help you out in this difficult situation.

Write a note

If you can not directly say that you are sorry for losing your temper and picking up a fight, just send a handwritten card. You can make a simple card yourself or buy an easily available one. You can quietly slip it into your friend’s schoolbag or place it on his desk, and in the case of a sibling, keep it silently in his/her room.

Say it with flowers

To make up with a friend after a quarrel, you do not need to send an expensive bouquet. A single flower picked from your own garden and neatly tied with a piece of ribbon or a colourful string can prove to be a gesture which will salvage your friendship.

Send a gift

A gift is a caring way to tell a person that you want to be friends again. A friend’s or sibling’s favourite chocolate or any other small gift can do wonders to melt the ice between you and your cherished one. They would understand that you feel sorry but cannot muster enough courage to say so!

A positive gesture

Sometimes a warm smile, a hand extended for a shake or a hearty hug does the trick. The person you had differences with gets the message that you want to make up for your rudeness or insensitive behaviour.

Tempers usually cool down quicker than the speed with which they flare up.

At the end of the day, you come to realise that a relationship is more important than your ego and losing a close friend on a petty issue is much worse than losing our pride!

Drama In Islamabad!!

          I feel angry today, disturbed, ashamed, disappointed and a bit amused too! The weird drama in Islamabad, the way a man, a woman and two children kept the capital on hold, and the manner our security personnel handled the situation has again made Pakistan a laughing stock for the world. 

          And our media, our TV channels licking their lips in delight, reported the whole incident minute to minute! For six long hours! I am no television buff, and had just switched on the idiot box to check out on the weather conditions in Lahore, I was worried because my son and his family were scheduled to reach there from Murree and the rumour was that the roads in Lahore were flooded! (This proved to be wrong as I came to know later).

          There was no news about the rains in Punjab but all channels were covering the Islamabad incident and the drama had started only a few minutes ago! Glued to the Television, I kept on watching in surprise as the police and Commandos were being shown keeping a distance from the car. The woman and children in the car were first reported to be held hostage by the man who started the whole drama by firing wildly in the air. And this was the Blue area of Islamabad, the area with the highest security as all important venues i.e the Prime Minister House, National Assembly, Supreme Court of Pakistan are stuated in this locality.

          In sheer disgust, I kept on posting updates on FaceBook and here I would like to share them with my readers. Although I cannot state for sure what was the exact time but it all started at around 6 in the evening!

OMG….. Police have surrounded the car in the Blue Area Islamabad from which an unknown man fired wildly in the air…I wonder what the police is waiting for!

The car was snatched from a nearby area n there is also a burqa clad woman in the car…hostage or accomplice? The police hv still no clue..Allah reham kare, Ameen

  • The body language of the woman is V suggestive…she hardly looks panicked or nervous as she took something out from the car’s trunk
  •  

Bhaaiyon!!!! Car k tyre hi puncture kar do fire kar ke!!!

 

Two kids in the car Too!!!

My notion was right…….!!!!! the woman claims to be the wife of the man in the car plus the two children are their kids!!! 

 Aaj TVdekhein…I am sure Geo wala will also b enjoying this breaking news…but can not switch channels now…the situation is too weird!!   

Our police keeps on bringing shame to the whole nation!! And the TV channels are having a great time!! All claiming to be the first to report this drama!!I am feeling like a reporter at the moment but cant stop myself from commenting!! Sharamnaak situation!!! Look at the way the woman is coming n going conveying demands! 

Hikmat e amli ki tafseelat bhee bata dee mulzimon ki Sahulat k lye!!! I think these people have never heard of GPRS!!!Humari helpless police bechaari!!! Police dept should be dissolved…the law of the jungle is good enough for us!!!! Both of the miscreants were far enough from their car but still the police didn’t dare to overpower them! 

7.30 PM….I am  getting late for Maghrib.. have to take a short break now! 

High level Drama in Islamabad!!! Baghair ticket enjoy karein!!!  

Latest on Islamabad drama….aap sab ko mubarak ho!! Police ne musslaah shaks ki giraftaari ki tayyaari mukammil kar lee!!!! 

Islamabad Drama smells fishy from Miles!!!! How come no action has been taken although it is already dark?

Easy load for the culprit’s cell by the POLICE…how sweet of them!!

Bachon ko Pizza khana hai!! SSP Operations se naya mutalba!!! Its only my notion: P 

Operation ki tayyaryaan Mukammil!!! Bas anesthetist ka intezar hai!!

I couldn’t stop myself from Re tweeting this!

  •  A Good Soldier (@Soldier_pk):
    One thing is certain, all vehicles carrying families will face extra scrutiny at police barriers, thanks to Sikandar ‪#‎BlueA
  • My Tweet…
  • Media personal manhandled! Kumhar pe bas na chala gadhia ke kaan amethe!‪#‎Bluearea ‪#‎islamabad d security forces hs brought d nation 2 shame!!

          The nation is waiting for the drama to end! First it was being suggested by our TV channels that the security personal are waiting for the dark! But on second thoughts, I feel they have decided to wait for the Sun to rise!

          9.30 PM…After this post, I had to be pull myself away from the television as I had to go to a dinner. After exchanging pleasantries with my hostess, I requested her to switch on the TV. The drama was just ending, I could see the PPP leader Zamurrud Khan pouncing on the man and the later, as if taken by surprise, falling down and being overpowered by our brave Commandos!

(I guess Zamurrud Khan will be given Hilal e jurrat for his bravery!!)

        12.30….It is being reported that the gunman has been taken to the PIMS Hospital and is undergoing emergency surgery as he has been shot in the stomach and leg! I only wonder why this couldn’t have been done earlier!

          Frustration and shame has become the lot of the common Pakistani nobodies like me! Helpless, surprised, disappointed and angry at the (mis) performance of our police, rangers and most of all the so called Commandos we just watched the ongoing drama in sheer disgust!

The security personal seemed helpless, spineless and confused! We, the patriotic Pakistanis, demand an immediate explanation! Why were we made the laughing stock for the world once more! For Heaven’s sake, don’t hurt our pride again and again in this manner! We love this country and want it to rise from the dust… and shine!

Long live Pakistan!!

 

 

 

 

 

WHO IS TO BE BLAMED?

This is an edited version of an article published in The Financial Daily

 

WHO IS TO BLAME?

 

Independence Day is approaching yet another time. Yesterday I had a sudden idea and impulsive that I am, decided to implement it at once. Throughout the year, we are busy celebrating birthdays and anniversaries. Why not have an Independence day party? Happily I started to call close family members but I was a bit confused at the reaction of the young generation, who seemed to decline my invitation politely at one pretext or another.

I called Sohail, my nephew, on his cell many times and on not getting a response rang him at his office. “What’s wrong, Sohail? Why are you not attending to your cell? And no one is receiving the phone at home?” “Oh, Auntie, my cell has been snatched a third time and I simply can not afford to go on buying mobile phones for muggers.” Sohail’s tone was very cross. “Shazia has gone to her parents with the kids. We have no electricity and so no water for the last two days. How could she manage with the children with no water in this heat?”

Warily I told Sohail about the party. “Come on Auntieji, you must be joking! What is there to celebrate about anyway? Insecurity?  Power failures? Corruption? Suicide bombers blowing up innocent people whenever and wherever they want? Or the sky-rocketing cost of living which is making a respectable difficult day by day? What has Pakistan given us anyway? Please excuse me Auntie, I shall rather stay at home and catch up on my sleep”.

Sohail continued in an angry tone, “I simply see no logical reason left for celebrating the Independence Day. Though we have got a homeland but still we have no freedom. We have to free ourselves from the shackles of religious extremism, poverty, illiteracy, greed and corruption before calling ourselves a free nation and planning any celebrations. The struggle for independence is not over yet!”

 Sohail’s outburst helped me to understand why the people of his generation were not showing any interest in my party. They all belonged to a disenchanted and disappointed generation which had seen Pakistan going on the downwards slide, year by year! Although I tried my best to convince Sohail, his arguments were so strong and he seemed so agitated, I decided to talk to him later.

I was born in an age when the people who had strived, suffered and sacrificed for the sake of independence were all around, so I felt deeply disturbed at the frustration of our new generation. In those days Patriotism was the order of the day and our parents never tired of telling us true stories about the Pakistan movement. Precious lives were lost, ancestral homes and properties were left behind but no one considered this a price too heavy for Independence. I vividly remember my mother shedding tears when she talked about Mohammed Ali Jinnah or Liaqat Ali Khan! Love for Pakistan seemed to be in the blood and everyone seemed proud to call himself a Pakistani.

I can still remember how enthusiastically we celebrated 14th August at school. The principal hoisted the national flag and gave a short speech stressing on the importance of independence and love for one’s Homeland.  As we fervourly recited the National Anthem in a chorus, it was a proud moment and the fluttering green flag never ceased to bring tears to my eyes. Sweets were distributed among the children and all of us were as happy as if it was Eid.

Sohail’s questions brought a rush of guilt to my heart. What is the reason behind this change in emotions? Have we failed to transfer this love for Pakistan to our next generation? Did we take independence for granted and did not strive enough to pass on its importance to their young minds. Or is it our poor and inept education system which is to blame.

Today our young generation has but a fleeting knowledge of the hardships faced during the movement for Pakistan, something which they have learned in the dull and drab books on Pakistan Studies! These books also keep changing with the advent of every new ruler who want the syllabus to suit his whims, trying to write a new history after every few years.

Or should we blame the greedy and incapable politicians, who are too busy filling their pockets (which are already bursting at the seams), to care for the peace and prosperity of Pakistan?

Our country is rich enough in resources. But whose purpose does it serve to keep them untapped and underutilized? Job opportunities which can be created but are not, the rain water which can do wonders for our agricultural lands but instead floods and destroy standing crops, the beautiful valleys were no tourists dare to visit due to fear of the so called religious extremist, growing unemployment and a steep rise in the inflation level are only a few reasons of the causes leading to the frustration of our young generation. These and many other such thoughts kept troubling me as I lay awake in the darkness of the night.

The next morning I called Sohail again, “Whether you come or not, I am celebrating 14th August according to my plans. You asked me many questions yesterday. The only question I have to ask you is ‘What have “We” given to Pakistan’? Nobody from the Heavens will come to change our lot. It is our choice, either we sit in our drawing rooms, sipping tea and blaming each other for our failures, or firmly resolve to strive and sacrifice, step by step, for the prosperity of Pakistan”.

I SHALL LIVE ON!

A proud day for me today! My grandaughter has finished school with a grand result! May Allah bless her and all my grandchildren…today and always! Ameen

Yasmin Elahi

I SHALL LIVE ON!

          My three year old grand daughter came running into my arms, not taking the trouble to remove her unruly curls which streamed down to her sparkling eyes. My sister who had come from abroad after many years remarked laughingly, “Why! Your grand daughter is just like you. Just see how she tosses her head naughtily to remove her locks from her eyes as she peeps from behind them. I just hope she has not inherited your temper”, she said in a teasing tone. On any other occasion, I would not have tolerated such a remark and immediately picked up an argument with my sister, insisting that I was not as bad tempered as she was suggesting! But as she was comparing me to my grand daughter, which in itself was a big compliment for me, I chose to ignore her comments.

As a grandmother, I…

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MERE EHSAAS KO SHEESHA NA BANAAYA HOTA!!

My Selection of verses from Urdu Shairi… friends can send in their favourites too, I would be delighted to post in this blog!

Yasmin Elahi

This blog is open to all! Please inbox me (on Facebook) your favourites and I shall keep on updating this blog. Just for the love of Urdu Shairi!!

06-02-2015

Umar-e-rawaan khizaan ki hawa se bhi taiz thi,
Har lamha Barg-e-zard ki soorat bikhar gaya,

Dil mai cheekhte huwe wehmon k bojh se,
Wo khaof tha k raat ko soate mai darr gaya,

Jo baat motbar thi wo sar se guzar gai,
Jo harf sar’sari tha wo dil me utar gaya,

Hum aks-e-khoon-e-dil hi luttatei phirei magar,
Wo shakhs aanso’on ki dhanak mai nikhar gaya,

“Mohsin” ye rang-o-roop ye ronaq baja mgar,
Main zinda kya rahoun ke mera ji tou marr gaya…!

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Apnei bhee khafa mujh se haen beigaane bhee nakhush 

Mein zehr- e-halaahal ko kabhee keh naa sakaa qand!

27-04-2014

Yaad rakhna humaari turbat ko

Qarz tum pe hai chaar phhoolon ka!

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Hum se taabeer e khwaab poochte…

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