Confessions of a Blogger

          At last I have resigned to the fact that I will never make a good blogger! Nearly three years into blogging and the number of blogs much less than what I should have posted, I have realized this sad fact (sad for me, at least!). When it all started, I was thrilled at the prospect of writing according to my whims. My mind seemed to be bursting with ideas.

              Hopefully contemplating that I would blog at least once in a week or more if possible, I started working on my blog site with a very optimistic note. But after the initial few months passed, reality began to set in! Blogging was not made for slow writers like me! It is for people who react instantly on an event, a thought, a piece of news or even on a random comment made by someone they have met. The flood of thoughts, the inspiring moments should be captured instantly!

          After accepting and resigning to this reality, I decided to try and summarize the reasons why I consider myself a failure at blogging and also share my views with my scant readers!

          I am a lazy writer! Although ideas come in a flash, I fail to be as quick to proceed to my computer or at least scribble a few lines in my sketch diary. Incidents, events, a conversation and sometimes even a fleeting thought or memory, opens the floodway to my imagination and motivate me to write, but sadly more often than not, I fail to grasp those precious (and productive) moments. I usually plan to write later, when I will have more time, or when I will further recollect and organize these thoughts or collect the required info about a particular topic, but most of the times the urge to write slows down. The topic doesn’t seem to be as interesting or worthwhile writing about after the heat of the moment has passed. And this sluggish attitude of mine usually nips the inspiring moment in the bud!

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          A good blogger should be more committed to his/ her writings; just leaving aside anything he/she is doing and give in to the urge to write whenever that great moment strikes. It may mean jumping out of bed in the wee hours of the night or abandoning a pre planned activity. And I am sure, those who blog regularly, even daily, will understand what I mean because they must have done this umpteen times, as they keep their writings on the top of their priority list.

          My musings may lead my readers to the opinion that I am a lazy person. But believe me, this is not so! Though age and every passing year takes its toll on my health, I am physically quite active for my sixty plus years. My slow approach to my writings is also because basically I am a family person! Being a full time home maker since the years I was brimming with youth, by nature I am more a mother and a grandmother than a writer!

         Living in a joint family with three married sons, activities with my family take up most of my time. And my grandchildren are the greatest blessing I could have asked for in my life. Alhumdulillah for that! With the eldest being an A level student and the youngest recently crossed his first birthday; they are truly a source of sheer joy for me.

          Caring for the little ones and babysitting them when their mothers are busy in the more hectic house work are the activities which lap up a considerable amount of my time. But these activities are more satisfying for me than writing. And the weekly visits of my only daughter and her four children are something I look forward to every week and thoroughly enjoy.

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        A wail of a toddler who has hurt himself after a fall, or just crying for attention, the bedtime stories the school going kids want me to tell them before they sleep or a demand from a little one for a favorite snack (which he/she doesn’t dare to ask Mom) easily pulls me away from the computer even if I am in a mood to write! Often time spent with my grandchildren is more precious for me than writing something new. So, I am content to be a part time writer as for me (like most women in our part of the world) family always comes first!

         Another reason why I am not getting to blog regularly is my addiction to the internet. Although the initial love affair with Face Book has fizzled out with time and I am not very active and regular at Twitters, talking with my sisters who live abroad on Viber or Skype, or exchanging messages with friends and family on Whatsapp keeps me pre occupied for a good part of the day (which I could have utilized for my writings). 

     I may not make a good blogger, still I have no intention of giving up on my writings (I mean totally). Writing has become an integral part of my life, a source of satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment for me! Even if I do not post something regularly, the urge to write persists.  Hopefully my confession will ease the nagging frustration I feel at times. Because instead of beating about the bush and doling out lame excuses, the least favor I can do to myself and to the modest number of my readers and followers is to be honest and truthful in admitting my shortcomings!

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I SHALL LIVE ON!

A proud day for me today! My grandaughter has finished school with a grand result! May Allah bless her and all my grandchildren…today and always! Ameen

Yasmin Elahi

I SHALL LIVE ON!

          My three year old grand daughter came running into my arms, not taking the trouble to remove her unruly curls which streamed down to her sparkling eyes. My sister who had come from abroad after many years remarked laughingly, “Why! Your grand daughter is just like you. Just see how she tosses her head naughtily to remove her locks from her eyes as she peeps from behind them. I just hope she has not inherited your temper”, she said in a teasing tone. On any other occasion, I would not have tolerated such a remark and immediately picked up an argument with my sister, insisting that I was not as bad tempered as she was suggesting! But as she was comparing me to my grand daughter, which in itself was a big compliment for me, I chose to ignore her comments.

As a grandmother, I…

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 دنیا میں تیرے جیسا کوئی دوسرا نہیں ہے

Aside

My darling Grandaughter has finished school today with flying colors! She has made the family proud with Straight As Ma sha Allah… the best time to re blog the poem I wrote for her when she was a child!

Time flies!Its been nearly three years since I posted this blog with my poem.  My darling has made the family proud again! Alhumdulillah for the happy moments.

دنیا میں تیرے جیسا 
کوئی دوسرا نہیں ہے
مرے دل کو ہیں لبھاتی
ہر دم تری ادائیں
 
  ہنستی ہے جب بھی تو تو
  لگتا ہے مجھ کو ایسا
  جھونکے ہوا کے جیسے 
  کلیوں کو گدگائیں
 
  رونا بھی تیرا مجھ کو
  لگتا ہے اتنا پیارا
  شبنم کے قطرے جیسے 
  پھولوں کا منھ دھلائیں
 
ہے نیند میں بھی تیری
ایسی ادا نرالی
جنت کی حوریں جیسے 
لوری تجھے سنائیں
 
آنکھوں میں تیری گڑیا
ہے ایسی اک چمک سی
سورج کی کرنیں جیسے
پانی پہ جھلملائیں
 
ہو ماں کا سایہ سر پہ
پاپا رہیں سلامت
نانی تری خدا سے
ہر دم کرے دعائیں
 
پھولوں کے پالنے میں
گزرے یوں تیرا بچپن
پریوں کی رانی آ کر
جھولا تجھے جھلائیں
 
تو خوش رہے ہمیشہ
دکھ جھیلنے کو میں ہوں
لے لوں اے سعدیہ میں
ساری تری بلائیں
 

specially for you Hibiscus Rosa Noor, Greetings from England; and all of my readers who do not understand Urdu. as i do not write poetry in English, please do not mind my crude translation,
Regards,
Yasmin Elahi

Yasmin Elahi

Aa  gayaa hai

Khuda ki rehmat ka tohfa

Ye yaqeen dilaane ke lye

Upar eik Zaat hai

Jo ghum ki andheri raat se

Eik nayi subah tulooh kartee hai!

Aa gaya hai

Khuda ki rehmat ka tohfa

Zindigi ki andheri raahon mein

Eik chota sa dyaa

Jis ki nanhi see jout se

Jagmaga uthi hai mere dil ki dunya

Dard ke sehra mein jo hai

Thandee hawa ka jhonka

Aa gaya hai

Khuda ki rehmat ka tohfa!

Jis kea a jaane se

Aa  gayi hai mere gulshan mein bahar

Rukhsat ho gaya

Khizaan ka mausam

Jis ke aane ka tha

Mere dil ko yaqeen

Jo ke hai

Meri duaaon ka jawaab

Aa gaya hai wo

Khuda ki rehmat ka tohfa!!!
The gift of Allah’s blessing has arrived to further confirm my belief that there is a Divine Being above us
Who has the power to draw a new morning from…

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TOHFA! For my readers who can not read Urdu…with a simple EnglishTranslation

Aa  gayaa hai

Khuda ki rehmat ka tohfa

Ye yaqeen dilaane ke lye

Upar eik Zaat hai

Jo ghum ki andheri raat se

Eik nayi subah tulooh kartee hai!

Aa gaya hai

Khuda ki rehmat ka tohfa

Zindigi ki andheri raahon mein

Eik chota sa dyaa

Jis ki nanhi see jout se

Jagmaga uthi hai mere dil ki dunya

Dard ke sehra mein jo hai

Thandee hawa ka jhonka

Aa gaya hai

Khuda ki rehmat ka tohfa!

Jis kea a jaane se

Aa  gayi hai mere gulshan mein bahar

Rukhsat ho gaya

Khizaan ka mausam

Jis ke aane ka tha

Mere dil ko yaqeen

Jo ke hai

Meri duaaon ka jawaab

Aa gaya hai wo

Khuda ki rehmat ka tohfa!!!
The gift of Allah’s blessing has arrived to further confirm my belief that there is a Divine Being above us
Who has the power to draw a new morning from the night of despair!
She is like a little candle in the dark paths of my life which is spreading it’s tiny light to brighten up my heart!
She is like a breath of cool air in the desert of pain I am walking in!
The gift of Divine Blessing has arrived; her arrival announces the advent of Spring and the end of
Autumn in my life
In my heart there was always a firm believe that she will come one day, as she is an answer to my prayers!
The gift of Divine Blessing has finally arrived!

Edited version of a poem I wrote years ago before the birth of my first grand daughter. But I feel it is the perfect time to post this Nazm. My eldest son and daughter in law have been blessed with a beautiful baby girl in the fifteenth year of their married life. Alhumdulillah!!

Ecstasy is too small a word to express the happiness my heart is brimming with! And I can not thank Allah enough for answering to the prayers which came from the depth of my heart!

Far back in the walk of life, when I wrote this poem, I was going through a tough phase … a personal trauma too big for words!!! Although a lot has changed and life has moved miles ahead (and surely for the better), but some emotions never change! Somehow, I am going through all those feelings again, only this poem was written when my grandaughter was still to arrive! 

All readers and friends are requested to keep my little angel in their prayers!

تحفہ

آ گیا ہے
خدا کی رحمت کا تحفہ
یہ یقین دلانے کے لئے
اوپر ایک ذات ہے
جو غم کی اندھیری رات سے
ایک نئی صبح طلوع کرتی ہے
آ گیا ہے
خدا کی رحمت کا تحفہ
زندگی کی اندھیری راہوں میں
ایک چھوٹا سا دیا
جس کی ننھی سی جوت سے
جگمگا اٹھی ہے مرے دل کی دنیا
درد کے صحرا میں جو ہے
ٹھنڈی ہوا کا جھونکا
آ گیا ہے وہ
خدا کی رحمت کا تحفہ
جس کے آ جانے سے
آگئی ہے مرے گلشن میں بہار
اور رخصت ہو گیا
خزاں کا موسم
جس کے آنے کا تھا
مرے دل کو یقین
جو کہ ہے
میری دعائوں کا جواب
آ گیا ہے وہ
خدا کی رحمت کا تحفہ

Edited version of a poem I wrote years ago before the birth of my first grand daughter. But I feel it is the perfect time to post this Nazm. My eldest son and daughter in law have been blessed with a beautiful baby girl in the fifteenth year of their married life. Alhumdulillah!!

Ecstasy is too small a word to express the happiness my heart is brimming with! And I can not thank Allah enough for answering to the prayers which came from the depth of my heart!

Far back in the walk of life, when I wrote this poem, I was going through a tough phase … a personal trauma too big for words!!! Although a lot has changed and life has moved miles ahead (and surely for the better), but some emotions never change! Somehow, I am going through all those feelings again, only this poem was written when my grandaughter was still to arrive! 

All readers and friends are requested to keep my little angel in their prayers!

Relationships: The grand relation! (http://dawn.com/2012/11/03/relationships-the-grand-relation/)

Grandparents are your unending sources of kindness, patience and comfort. Through out their lives, they give you unconditional love and above all, they are your fierce supporters. Always!

They will never find any fault with you and defend you even if (in their hearts) they know you are wrong! According to an anonymous quote, “Grandparents/grandchildren relationships are simple. Grandparents are short on criticism and long on love.”

And above all, they have all the time in the world for you, pampering you, fulfilling your whims, replying to your queries patiently until you are satisfied, answering questions which your busy parents do not have the time to reply. Another anonymous quote beautifully sums it, “A grandparent is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher and a little bit best friend.” I call this relation ‘the grand relation’!

With each changing generation, we observe many changes in the lifestyles and social values. The fast paced-life of modern times is witnessing the slow decline of the joint family system which is slowly giving in to the nuclear family. Rising inflation, high cost of housings, plus the need to lead a life free of the intrusion of the older age group, is making the joint family style of living a thing of the past.

When grandparents and grandchildren lived under the same roof, they shared a strong bond of love and care for each other.

When parents had to go out, they often left their young ones in the care of the older generation, a task which they carried out happily. Stories where told at bedtime and this was often the most enjoyable hour in both the grandparents’ and grandchildren’s day. But sadly, with the advent of the nuclear family, this grand relation seems to suffer.

Grandparents’ love still knows no bounds. But sometimes the grandchildren fail to reciprocate their love in the same manner. It is not that they do not love their grandparents but somehow, they do not show this love. The blame for this change in attitude cannot be put entirely on the younger generation. It is basically that children today are born in a time and world that is very different from that of their grandparents’, where they interact more with electronic gadgets than they do with human beings.

After youngsters have finished with the demands of their studies, they are busy with their computers, cell phones, electronic games and unending channels on the television, thus they have hardly anytime left to spend and share with their grandparents.

Small changes in your routine can sometimes bring big (and positive) changes in your lives. By taking out a few hours every week from your busy timetable, you can spend them with your grandparents and make them feel that you care for them a much as they love you! In this way you will make them happier, because although they may not show it, grandparents are usually lonely deep down inside!

With the prime years of their life gone, they mostly lead a retired life and want activities to fill up their long hours. If you are not living with them, then a call from you or a short visit can do wonders to brighten up their day. A handmade card when they are ill or a small gift (for no particular reason) can make your bond with them stronger, something you will cherish later on in life!

And dear friends, those of you who are lucky enough to live with a grandparent, you should make sure to sit with them for a few minutes each day, greet them when you come back from school or anywhere else and always wish them a goodnight before going to bed. No medicine makes you feel better when you are sick as your grandma’s presence by your side does, your head in her lap, and her pressing your feverish forehead with her soft winkled hands and silently praying. And when the fever is down and you are at peace, you know in your heart that it was her prayers and the Holy Verses she was reading softly and blowing over you that made you well again.

Although toddlers love to be cuddled, as children grow into their preteens or teen years, they sometimes find their grandparents’ big embraces and pats on the head a bit embarrassing. It is best that you think of the pleasure it gives them when they pet or hug you, which probably others don’t do because they think you have grownup, and enjoy the feeling of love and security that it conveys. And if you really can’t put up with it, try to explain in a polite manner, that you do not feel comfortable with the hugs and that the loving pats usually spoil your hairdo, something you are very particular about. If you clarify your feelings to them, they are sure to understand.

Sometimes, some of us complain that our grandparents are naïve, old-fashioned and ill-informed, but we often under estimate the old generation. Friends, we must realise that our grandparents are not only a fountain of love and care, they also possess the wisdom and insight only experiences of life can teach us! You can get loads of information from books, television and the internet, but the experiences of life your grandparents have braved and the difficulties they have faced have given them infinite perception.

They may not know much about how to use a computer or how to avail all the options of a complex cell phone, but they can share with you the insight which can only be acquired with the passage of years. By spending more time with your grandparents, you will also get access to a great fountain of wisdom and knowledge.

So friends, before their physical presence fades into fond memories, strengthen your ties with your grandparents. You will not only feel better for brightening their days, you will also be able to see life and its problems with a new and wiser perspective!

According to Bill Cosby, “What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I’d like to say that grandparents are God’s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate.”

MORE CONFESSIONS OF A GRANDMOTHER! (Dedicated to my darling granddaughter Javeria Elahi)

 I traced my index finger tenderly down the delicate features of my granddaughter; she seemed so vulnerable as looked at me with a timid look on her little face. I exclaimed to my daughter who was sitting propped up in pillows in her hospital bed, “She is so pretty, but I will have to admit that I would never be able to love her as much as your first born”. As if instinctively, my daughter nearly grabbed her three days old daughter away from me. Holding her closer to her bosom she enquired in an indignant tone, “Why do you say that Ammi, isnt she my daughter just like Sadia is?” I laughed at her reaction (although I felt a bit surprised), “Relax darling, of course I love her too, but the bond with a first grand child is different, but maybe you will understand my feelings when you yourself will become a grandma!” I was adamant in my confession as I took the little one back from her arms and busied myself in changing her nappy.

Javeria (as she was named later) was a loveable child and although I carried on with delight the duty Grandmas usually perform when their daughters are convalescing after childbirth, some how I could not feel the same rush of ecstatic happiness I had felt more than three years back when her elder sister was born!

Days passed into weeks and weeks into months. My grand daughter was growing up, she seemed to bubble with life, was more demanding than her sister and definitely possessed the qualities which endear a child to everyone around him/her.

Snuggling closer to me whenever I took her in my arms, she seemed to look at me with questioning eyes. “Why should I be loved less if I was born a second child” she seemed to challenge me! I often felt that she remembered the discourse between me and her mother on that day in the hospital! Or maybe my inner guilt was playing games with me!

Even before I realized it, I found myself deeply in love with my second grand daughter. I would call my daughter just to hear her cooings on the phone and whenever she came to visit with her mother, I just couldn’t put the darling child down, carrying her in my arms the maximum possible time.

Yes, I had to admit to myself that she was making inroads into my heart. I was confused. My first grand daughter was as dear to me as ever, but somehow her little sister was sharing the same amount of love. After her first birthday passed and Javeria started to speak a few words, the loving way she called me Naneemee (Her way of saying Nani Ammi), her sticky kisses when I took her in my arms and the way her pretty face lit up with a happy smile when she saw me, I slowly realized that I was fighting a losing battle.

On her second birthday I had to make the confession! On her card I wrote, “My darling Javeria, this is the best day to admit that YOU are second to NONE! And I accept my defeat with pride. Because having a granddaughter as loving and caring as you, is no little honor for me!

Forever yours,

Naneemee.

          After Javeria, although I have been blessed with more grandchildren, I never made the mistake of making any above mentioned claim again. I realized that each grandchild holds a special place and brings with him/her a new fountain of love which erupts from the depths of a Grandma’s heart.

          My grandchildren have taught me that love defies all rules of Mathematics! It multiplies when it is divided, has no option of subtraction and keeps on adding up with time, until it reaches infinity!

          (Yesterday was Javeria’s twelfth birthday and in moments of nostalgia, I went down memories lane! And I found myself smiling at my folly as I remembered my hurried claim when she was just three days old!)

 

Confessions of a Grandmother!

REFLECTIONS: Confessions Of A Grandmother

Yasmin Elahi writes on the joys of becoming a grandparent

There are some sentiments in life too great to be described in words. We search for them but find them too weak to express our feelings. Holding your first child in your arms, or for that matter just knowing that he or she is on the way, is one of those sentiments.

When my eldest daughter was born, I thought that no happiness I shall ever witness in life would be greater than this one, but oh, how wrong I was! Pure ecstasy was still in store for me and I learnt this when my first granddaughter was born.

To this day I cannot analyse my feelings when I first saw her. It was joy to the limit of agony, awe, a strange sense of nostalgia for the time which had flown away so quickly. All these mixed emotions gripped my heart when I set my eyes on her, all wrapped up in a big green blanket. I laughed and wept at the same time, while the little darling, my granddaughter, gazed back at me with a triumphant look in her eyes. It would not be wrong to say that she came, she saw and she conquered. From the day she was born, my granddaughter spins my heart around her little finger.

The confession that I have to make today is of the change of heart as soon as I became a grandmother. Gone were the rules and principles, which were strict and inflexible, according to which I had raised my children. I was surprised to see myself helpless, giving in to the whims of my granddaughter. With the passage of years, a silent war began between me and my daughter. She was sometimes amused and sometimes annoyed by my interferences in the upbringing of her child and reminded me time and again how strict, as a mother, I was with her.

There are times when a rush of guilt seizes me and I think that if I had the chance to live my life all over again, I would be more lenient with my children. But in my heart of heart I know very well that I would be the same firm mother that I was, with my unbending rules. But to be a grandmother is something totally different!

How can I bear to see someone scolding my darling on trivial matters? (even if the person giving this scolding is the darling’s mother!). To me she is the prettiest, the best-behaved and the most intelligent child in this whole wide world, who needs to be pampered and cuddled all the time. No! Scolding is not for my granddaughter –– she is too sensitive for them.

As the issue does not seem to settle down with time, I have decided to set up a Grandmothers Action Committee, The GMAC, to safeguard the rights of grandmothers. The rights are as follow:

1, It is the basic right of all GMs (grandmothers) to spoil their GCs (grandchildren) to their heart’s content, and parents, especially mothers should not deny them this right. Complaints that we, as GMs, have changed should not be entertained as everyone has a right to change his or her opinion at any stage in life.

2, GMs should be given the right to interfere, whenever they want, in matters relating to the discipline of their GCs, after all they are more experienced than the parents, therefore their opinion should be valued.

3, GMs should be given the above mentioned rights because they have no idea of how much time in life they have left to follow these delightful pursuits!

All GMs who agree with me are invited cordially to join my committee, but if some of you do not share my feelings, please be kind enough to keep your thoughts to yourself, or you will be guilty of accelerating the silent war going on between me and my daughter for the past many years.
Attention, all grandmothers! A meeting of the GMAC is about to be held at Hug House, Love Lane, Mohabbat Nagar… all the GMs who want to attend plz join my Committee… those who do not want to join (for fear of their daughters), can come as guests. GMs can bring along their GCs, but their daughters are strictly not allowed:)))))
N.B. The GCs will be served with ice cream, cold drinks, chocolates, chips etc. i.e. all the junk foods they love but can not eat to their heart’s fill under Mama’s strict eyes!!!