When out of the blue, a friend created a personal blog site for me, I felt thrilled! Ah! Finally I have got a place where I am free to write whatever and whenever I like! Finally I can share on my blog, my experiences, my joys and dreams, my pains, my fears and frustrations, my anger and disappointments! This was a place where I could boast about my achievements, a place I could consider my domain. No deadlines any more, no more frustration of rejected pieces! No more long and tiring waits for approved articles to be published! I could write on any topic I felt like writing about and just post it on my blog!
In the beginning I was flushed with ideas! My mind seemed to work overtime, not giving me respite even when I went to bed. But after the initial excitement abated, and I started to feel the toll of long working hours tapping at the keyboard of my computer in sleepless nights, the reality started to set in! I came to realize that I was mistaken in my excitement or to be more precise a bit carried away!
Over the months I have come to realize that freedom of speech comes with its own set of rules! I can definitely write whatever I want to, but this freedom also comes with a sense of responsibility. Although there is no one to censor my writings, there are definitely some considerations which eventually prove to become restrictions for my pen (read keyboard)!
Most of the times, small incidents spur our imagination and creativity. Writers are usually inspired by these incidents and feel the urge to catch those moments forever in their writings because emotions are often the major triggers which enable us to pen down something new. And interesting as well! Joys are easily shared but when it comes to an emotion which is negative, the problem arises!
Let me tell you how it goes. Being a newcomer to the world of blogging, my family, friends, acquaintances and people from my immediate circle make up the majority of my readers. (With innumerable people taking to blogging and as I can not claim to fame yet, why would a stranger like to waste time on an unknown writer like me?) So, when I want to share something personal on my blog, pour my heart out in moments of anger, frustration, disappointment or anguish, what would be the reaction of the people who know me personally, becomes a sort of editor for my writings!
Often angry outbursts bring up issues ling settled, differences we had sorted out or else carefully brushed under the carpet (if we agree to disagree) pretending they simply did not exit. But tragically, when these issues resurface, they bring with them pain, frustration and a sense of deep anger! While going one of these phases, I want to get rid of the negative feelings through my writings, the channel which I have always found helpful. But strangely, my fingers do not tap the keyboard as fast as I would like them too. I feel restrained because I know deep down in my heart that expressing what I am feelings openly would only aggravate the situation.
While trying to relate a personal experience, I feel I am treading on wary grounds where every step is to be taken with utmost care! Because there are times, when someone who loves me dearly spurs these negative feelings by hurting me or making me angry. I know that he/she did not mean ill, nor was the harm intentional. But if I am hurt I want to cry out and if I am disturbed I want to relieve myself! Writing for me is a way out, a way to express my feelings, bring out anything which is disturbing me or making me unhappy!
I feel restrained because I feel that being outspoken or blunt in expressing my emotions could hurt the feelings of people I care for! Or they may accuse me of washing my linen in public! Some issues are better left behind the curtain, some emotions are better off if they are not shared openly. This feeling causes the slowing down of my pen as I try to carefully sort out what I can and what I can not share with my readers!
I have finally learnt over the months that freedom of expression comes with its own norms. I may be free to write on my blog, but I must know where to draw a line between what I can and what I can not share with my readers!
So, often the only option I have left is to try to write between the lines! I firmly believe that the people who mean the world to me, who are close to my heart, who know me in and out and who care for me would easily read those unwritten words. It only needs a loving and sensitive heart to understand what should have been said but has remained unsaid!